The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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Other Quotes by George Carlin

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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