Quotes tagged with humor (1199 quotes found)

Cassandra Clare
Isabelle drifted over, Jace a pace behind her. She was wearing a long black dress with boots and an even longer cutaway coat of soft green velvet, the color of moss. "I can't believe you did it!" she exclaimed. "How did you get Magnus to let Jace leave?"
J.K. Rowling
Yeah, Quirrell was a great teacher. There was just that minor drawback of him having Lord Voldemort sticking out of the back of his head!
humor  # 1113
J.R. Ward
Welcome to the wonderful world of jealousy, he thought. For the price of admission, you get a splitting headache, a nearly irresistable urge to commit murder, and an inferiority complex. Yippee.
love  humor  jealousy  # 1121
Dr. Seuss
So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid, you'll move mountains.
inspirational  humor  success  # 1125
Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra
Finally, from so little sleeping and so much reading, his brain dried up and he went completely out of his mind.
humor  books  reading  # 1134
James Patterson
Basically, I have two speeds.... Hostile or smart-aleck. Your choice.
humor  # 1147
Jarod Kintz
If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.
Tina Fey
Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.
humor  # 1174
Suzanne Collins
Yes, frosting. The final defense of the dying.
humor  # 1175
Douglas Adams
Don't Panic.
Cassandra Clare
The meek may inherit the earth, but at the moment it belongs to the conceited. Like me.
Winston S. Churchill
History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
humor  writing  history  # 1190
Becca Fitzpatrick
You possess other people's...bodies."
humor  nora  patch  # 1241
Bill Watterson
Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.
George Carlin
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
humor  # 1262
Will Rogers
Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.