Quotes tagged with humor (1199 quotes found)

Chris Rock
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?
E.B. White
If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.
life  humor  activism  pleasure  # 377
Billy Sunday
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.
humor  funny  automobile  car  religious  # 378
J.K. Rowling
Death's got an Invisibility Cloak?" Harry interrupted again.
humor  death  sarcasm  # 380
Albert Einstein
Never memorize something that you can look up.
humor  science  # 398
Mark Twain
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
humor  politics  # 401
Mark Twain
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
humor  writing  # 429
Jane Austen
I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.
humor  friends  people  # 435
J.K. Rowling
Is it true that you shouted at Professor Umbridge?"
humor  rebellion  biscuit  # 444
Jerome K. Jerome
I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
humor  work  # 448
Cassandra Clare
Do you remember back at the hotel when you promised that if we lived, you’d get dressed up in a nurse’s outfit and give me a sponge bath?" asked Jace.
Laurie Halse Anderson
THE FIRST TEN LIES THEY TELL YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL
humor  school  # 452
Cassandra Clare
It means 'Shadowhunters: Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234'.
humor  sarcasm  jace-wayland  # 453
Rick Riordan
Let us find the dam snack bar," Zoe said. "We should eat while we can."
humor  # 490
John Green
What the hell is that?" I laughed.
humor  funny  # 497
Cassandra Clare
Malachi scowled. "I don't remember the Clave inviting you into the Glass City, Magnus Bane."