Quotes tagged with humor (1199 quotes found)

J.K. Rowling
Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal spells, Potter?"
humor  rebellion  sarcasm  # 242
Lewis Carroll
I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Cassandra Clare
Jesus!" Luke exclaimed.
Cassandra Clare
I don't want to be a man," said Jace. "I want to be an angst-ridden teenager who can't confront his own inner demons and takes it out verbally on other people instead."
Chuck Palahniuk
All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.
life  humor  god  # 275
John Wayne
Life's hard. It's even harder when you're stupid.
life  humor  # 281
Terry Pratchett
Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.
humor  proverb  # 286
Douglas Adams
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer
humor  wit  # 289
Thomas Stephen Szasz
Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.
inspirational  humor  # 325
Oscar Levant
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
humor  insanity  genius  # 327
Groucho Marx
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.
humor  friends  jail  # 332
Albert Einstein
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
humor  # 342
J.K. Rowling
He can run faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo.
humor  shampoo  # 348
J.K. Rowling
Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business.
Lemony Snicket
Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.
humor  simile  fate  # 357
Terry Pratchett
Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.
humor  # 363