Quotes tagged with humor (1199 quotes found)

Groucho Marx
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
humor  books  reading  television  # 130
Douglas Adams
The story so far:
humor  scifi  # 143
Terry Pratchett
The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
humor  open-mind  thinking  # 147
Charles M. Schulz
I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand!!
humor  mankind  people  # 149
Bill Watterson
Reality continues to ruin my life.
Suzanne Collins
Remember, we're madly in love, so it's all right to kiss me anytime you feel like it.
humor  # 153
Benjamin Franklin Wade
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
humor  philosophy  theology  # 157
Charles Bukowski
Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.
humor  # 158
W.C. Fields
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
humor  sinister  # 160
George Carlin
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
Charles J. Sykes
Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.
humor  work  nerd  nerds  # 176
Jane Austen
A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.
love  humor  women  romantic  # 194
Mark Twain
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
humor  books  health  misprints  # 211
Terry Johnson
Have you ever noticed how ‘What the hell’ is always the right decision to make?
humor  philosophy  # 223
Albert Einstein
Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources
humor  creativity  # 232
Rita Mae Brown
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you.
humor  insanity  # 233