39 quotes found by Garrison Keillor

Garrison Keillor
Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
humor  religion  # 75
Garrison Keillor
Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.
forgiveness  love  life  # 212619
Garrison Keillor
Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough. Thank you for the rain. And for the chance to wake up in three hours and go fishing: I thank you for that now, because I won't feel so thankful then.
thankful  love  life  # 212620
Garrison Keillor
The father of a daughter is nothing but a high-class hostage. A father turns a stony face to his sons, berates them, shakes his antlers, paws the ground, snorts, runs them off into the underbrush, but when his daughter puts her arm over his shoulder and says, 'Daddy, I need to ask you something,' he is a pat of butter in a hot frying pan.
Daughter  Father  Her  # 212621
Garrison Keillor
A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it.
girl  thinking  wrong  # 212622
Garrison Keillor
Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.
Once  Getting  smart  # 212623
Garrison Keillor
I write for a radio show that, no matter what, will go on the air Saturday at five o'clock central time. You learn to write toward that deadline, to let the adrenaline pick you up on Friday morning and carry you through, to cook up a monologue about Lake Wobegon and get to the theater on time.
time  morning  Matter  # 212624
Garrison Keillor
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.
Pet  nature  teach  # 212625
Garrison Keillor
A book is a gift you can open again and again.
book  Again  open  # 212626
Garrison Keillor
Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.
parenting  eyes  Seem  # 212627
Garrison Keillor
When you're in your 20s, your 30s, even, you have - at least, I had - vast ambitions, and you sit around mooning about these things, and you're depressed, because you haven't done them. And it takes you a long time to come to the realization that if you can't be John Updike, well, then, you can't.
time  Takes  ambition  # 212628
Garrison Keillor
It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.
life  Few  scars  # 212629
Garrison Keillor
Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.
men  women  Above  # 212630
Garrison Keillor
It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.
Hear  Coming  Air  # 212631
Garrison Keillor
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
funny  god  comedy  # 212632
Garrison Keillor
Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.
time  Far  Greed  # 212633