79 quotes found by Groucho Marx

Groucho Marx
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
humor  books  friends  animals  dogs  # 54
Groucho Marx
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
humor  books  reading  television  # 130
Groucho Marx
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.
humor  friends  jail  # 332
Groucho Marx
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
humor  books  reading  # 1311
Groucho Marx
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
# 1752
Groucho Marx
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
humor  # 2111
Groucho Marx
Humor is reason gone mad.
humor  reason  # 2145
Groucho Marx
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
life  humor  # 2568
Groucho Marx
I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.
humor  clique  clubs  membership  # 2978
Groucho Marx
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
happiness  power  today  # 264058
Groucho Marx
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
life  honesty  Fake  # 264059
Groucho Marx
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
funny  Club  Member  # 264060
Groucho Marx
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
politics  art  wrong  # 264061
Groucho Marx
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Pet  best  dog  # 264062
Groucho Marx
I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.
good  book  read  # 264063
Groucho Marx
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Woman  Successful  Her  # 264064