14 quotes found by Milton Berle

Milton Berle
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
inspirational  Knock  Build  # 36861
Milton Berle
Laughter is an instant vacation.
humor  laughter  Vacation  # 36862
Milton Berle
You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.
funny  Congress  Lead  # 36863
Milton Berle
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Mother's Day  Hands  Works  # 36864
Milton Berle
I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
Says  Tax  Forms  # 36865
Milton Berle
I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.
Cannot  Once  Rather  # 36866
Milton Berle
We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.
television  Watching  Owe  # 36867
Milton Berle
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
funny  Group  Hours  # 36868
Milton Berle
Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
funny  experience  Her  # 36869
Milton Berle
The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
company  Million  Shy  # 36870
Milton Berle
I live to laugh, and I laugh to live.
laugh  # 36871
Milton Berle
Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
Goes  White  Somewhere  # 36872
Milton Berle
Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.
poverty  Terribly  Disgrace  # 36873
Milton Berle
I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.
husband  Supposed  Sixth  # 36874