Quotes tagged with humor (1199 quotes found)

Albert Einstein
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
Frank Zappa
So many books, so little time.
humor  books  # 8
Mae West
You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
life  humor  # 9
Narcotics Anonymous
Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.
life  humor  insanity  # 25
Jane Austen
The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.
humor  books  aliteracy  classic  # 39
Groucho Marx
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
humor  books  friends  animals  dogs  # 54
Steve Martin
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
humor  simile  obvious  # 57
Mark Twain
Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well".
Douglas Adams
I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
humor  deadlines  humour  work  writing  # 73
Garrison Keillor
Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
humor  religion  # 75
Robert A. Heinlein
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
humor  cats  women  # 77
Jim Henson
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.
humor  # 84
Paul   Terry
Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.
humor  exercise  laziness  # 92
Woody Allen
I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
life  humor  death  fear  # 98
John Green
Saying 'I notice you're a nerd' is like saying, 'Hey, I notice that you'd rather be intelligent than be stupid, that you'd rather be thoughtful than be vapid, that you believe that there are things that matter more than the arrest record of Lindsay Lohan. Why is that?' In fact, it seems to me that most contemporary insults are pretty lame. Even 'lame' is kind of lame. Saying 'You're lame' is like saying 'You walk with a limp.' Yeah, whatever, so does 50 Cent, and he's done all right for himself.
humor  nerdfighters  # 107
Charles M. Schulz
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
humor  chocolate  food  # 108